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Pride? Or Prejudice? The Impact of Performative Allyship on the LGBTQIA+ Community

This is a topic that has been on my mind for quite some time, but only recently have I truly started to understand the concept, and its negative impact on my community. As a cis gay man that grew up in rural Nebraska during the 90’s and 2000’s, the idea of being accepted for being attracted to other men felt like a fairy tale. As I slowly started to accept myself during my college years in the early 2010’s, a time when the LGBTQIA+ community made huge strides towards societal acceptance, the idea of someone simply telling me “It’s okay,” was all that I needed. The idea that I could state out loud, “I’m gay!” and be given love in return felt like something from the movies (although queer romance wasn’t quite as mainstream then as it is today, it’s the thought that counts).

While I am still grateful for that time in my life, and the people that were part of my journey, over time I started to realize that not everyone who “didn’t have a problem” with my sexual orientation were truly in my corner. What initially felt like acceptance, began to feel more like tolerance. The same person that would have a full-blown conversation with me about my relationship with another man and not bat an eye, would then share a photo of a young boy with his nails painted on their social media with the caption, “Thoughts??” and would leave every comment filled with hatred, bigotry, and homophobia uncontested and unchallenged. The same coworker that went out of their way to tell me, “Happy Pride Month!” every June 1st, would later that day refer to me as “sassy” or “emotional” solely because I confronted them over a work disagreement. These are only two of the many instances I have either witnessed, or personally experienced, in my 10+ years of being an openly gay man. It has led me to the term of “performative allyship”, and the negative impact it can have on all marginalized communities, including the LGBTQIA+ community.

In recent years, social movements advocating for the rights and recognition of marginalized communities have gained unprecedented visibility and support. The LGBTQIA+ community, in particular, has seen a significant rise in the number of allies who publicly support our identities. However, not all support is created equal. A concerning trend has emerged: performative allyship. This form of superficial support often does more harm than good, hindering genuine progress towards equality and inclusivity.

What is Performative Allyship?

Performative allyship is where those with privilege, profess solidarity with a cause or movement. This assumed solidarity is usually vocalized, disingenuous and potentially harmful to marginalized groups. Often, the performative ally professes allegiance in order to distance themselves from potential scrutiny. I was able to give some personal examples above, but here are some additional examples of performative allyship on a more macro level:

  • Posting supportive messages on social media during Pride Month but failing to take any meaningful action to support LGBTQIA+ rights throughout the rest of the year.

  • Companies incorporating rainbow logos in June but not implementing policies that protect LGBTQIA+ employees or donating to causes/organizations who are anti-LGBTQIA+.

  • Individuals or celebrities making public declarations of support but not using their platform to advocate for substantial change or educate themselves on the issues faced by the community.

  • Companies that sell LGBTQIA+ merchandise during Pride Month, but force their store employees to take the items off the shelves before June is even over due to receiving negative backlash from conservative groups. (I’m looking at you, Target and Starbucks).

The Impact of Performative Allyship

While performative allyship may seem harmless or even beneficial on the surface, it often leads to several negative consequences, such as a false sense of progress, loss of trust in true allies of the community, and a “watering down” of the overall message.

While I firmly believe that words matter, I believe even more in the saying, “actions speak louder than words”. And when those actions and words don’t align, especially when it comes to something as serious as identity allyship for marginalized individuals, it raises a lot of red flags and can be activating for many members of that community.

To give an example, the Chicago Pride Parade announced earlier this year that they had to cut down on the number of their parade entries this year, resulting in about a 35% decrease in participants for the 2024 celebration. While the change was ultimately made for “safety and logistical reasons”, it did give the parade council an opportunity to focus their entries on “LGBTQ+ organizations, groups, businesses and those with LGBTQ Employee Resource Groups” (a.k.a. people that actually care about our community for 12 months out of the year.)

So, like I stated above, your words AND actions do matter. Pride Month is every month for our community, and it isn’t very difficult to seek out the individuals and companies that tend to forget we exist the minute July 1st hits the calendar.

Recognizing and Avoiding Performative Allyship

Now, I wouldn’t be a solutions-focused therapist if I didn’t provide some well-known tips to work towards being a true ally and avoid falling into the trap of performative allyship. As a good reminder, these tips can also be applied to other marginalized communities, and it is important for all of us to recognize our areas of privilege in our identity and continue striving for equality and inclusivity for all.

  1. Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about the history, struggles, and current issues faced by the LGBTQIA+ community. Understanding the context and complexities of their experiences is crucial for providing meaningful support.

  2. Listen and Amplify: Listen to the voices of LGBTQIA+ individuals and amplify their messages. Use your platform to share their stories, experiences, and calls to action rather than speaking over them or co-opting their narratives.

  3. Take Action: Support the community through tangible actions. This could include donating to LGBTQIA+ organizations, participating in activism, advocating for inclusive policies, and creating safe spaces for LGBTQIA+ individuals in your personal and professional life.

  4. Commit Long-term: Allyship is not a one-time act but a long-term commitment. Continue to show up, support, and advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights consistently, not just during Pride Month or when it's convenient.

  5. Hold Yourself and Others Accountable: Be open to feedback and willing to learn from mistakes. Hold yourself and others accountable for performative actions and strive to do better.

Call to Action

One thing I want to make known before I let you, my dear reader, go on with your day, is that I wholeheartedly recognize my own privilege as White, cisgender male within my community and that the statements and views I have shared today are solely based on my own experiences. That is one thing I love about being a member of this community and being a clinician that strives to work with fellow queer folks; we are a group of unique, badass individuals from all different walks of life.

Whether you’re a loved one to someone with a queer identity, a fellow mental health clinician, or working in corporate marketing (if that is the case, kudos to you for even reading this blog right now), it is important to look within and recognize where your allyship with our community lies. I normally don’t like to speak for others and their experiences, but I think I can confidently say that if there is one thing all members of this beautiful, diverse community can agree on, is that we all want to feel safe. Not only in your presence, but behind closed doors as well.

- Dillon Dostal, BDAC Staff Therapist

References:

Changes made to 2024 Chicago Pride Parade due to safety concerns – NBC Chicago

Performative Allyship: What Are The Signs And Why Leaders Get Exposed (forbes.com)

Research: How to Be a Better Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community (hbr.org)
7 Ways to Practice Active Allyship (hbr.org)